Here’s how to decide which is best for you.
by Karen Gersten
Divorce is never easy. For both parties it’s likely to be a very stressful and frustrating time. To make matters even more complicated, the strong emotions that accompany a divorce can make it difficult for you to make the best decisions for yourself and your future.
In addition to helping you navigate the family court system, an experienced family law attorney will anticipate the bumps in the road and take steps to protect you from them. Once you’ve decided to end a relationship, your attorney will help you decide which of the four most common paths to divorce is most likely to lead to the new future you want for yourself.
Uncontested Divorce
An uncontested divorce offers spouses the chance to end a marriage quietly and with the least expense. It is more private and more cooperative than other processes. Many people see an uncontested divorce as a way of keeping lawyers out of the discussion. However, it is probably a good idea to consult with an experienced divorce attorney at least once during an uncontested divorce just to confirm your paperwork is in order, your filing meets the requirements of your state and you haven’t inadvertently failed to address one or more issues relating to property, finances or children. A lawyer can represent only one of the two parties in an uncontested divorce.
An uncontested divorce is best for: Couples who are on good terms with each other and completely agree on all questions relating to marital assets, custody and support issues and the other details of a divorce agreement. If the spouses are unable to talk to each other without fighting, an uncontested divorce almost never works. To succeed in an uncontested divorce, it is also helpful if both parties are comfortable with the law and able to understand the many forms and financial disclosures that are needed to file for a divorce
Mediation
In mediation, you and your spouse hire a neutral third party, a mediator, to help you discuss and resolve all issues. The mediator doesn’t make the decisions for you, but helps you and your spouse decide what’s best. Mediation is much less expensive than a court trial or series of hearings and the proceeding is confidential with no public record. With mediation you and your spouse have more control over the situation as opposed to asking a judge to decide. If children are involved, it allows the parents to decide what is best for the children. Once you agree on all the outstanding issues, the mediator will draft a divorce settlement agreement for both spouses to review, sign and present to the judge.
Mediation is best for: Couples who are generally on the same page with all issues and open to negotiating with each other on the terms related to property and other marital assets, custody and financial support. Mediation is a good choice for couples that want to make sure they’ve considered all of their options before coming to an agreement. For mediation to be successful both parties must be open and honest about finances and be in general agreement on custody terms.
Collaborative Divorce
Collaboration is similar to mediation except that both parties hire their own attorneys and no third-party mediator is involved. The main similarity is that both parties agree they want to reach an agreement out of court. In fact, your agreement with your lawyer is likely to include a “no court” agreement that requires her or him to withdraw if the case goes to court. In a collaborative divorce, you meet separately with your attorney and then, on a regular basis, there is a four-way meeting. These meetings occur until a full agreement is reached.
Collaboration is best for: Couples who don’t currently agree on all issues but believe that with legal assistance and representation they will be able to negotiate a solution suitable to all parties outside of court. Collaboration is meant to be cooperative and non-adversarial so for it to be successful both parties must respect each other and be open and honest about all issues related to property, money and children.
Litigation
Simply because you choose ligation it does not mean it will more expensive or more productive than a collaborative divorce. A contested divorce almost always takes longer and costs more than mediation or a collaborative divorce. People want to preserve their ability to seek court orders if necessary. For mediation and collaboration to be successful, there must be mutual good faith and a desire to settle out of court. If one spouse is intent on punishing the other or seeking revenge, and refuses to negotiate, then litigation is the only choice. It is often the case that experienced family attorneys will work cooperatively to try and resolve the outstanding issues prior to resorting to the court system for assistance.
Litigation is best for: Couples whose relationship has resulted in a power imbalance or where reasonable compromise is unlikely. Also, if one spouse lacks money or knowledge about money, litigation may be the only way for that spouse to get his or her fair share.
Once you have made the decision to divorce, the next step is to decide which process is best suited to your situation and relationship. This is a decision that should always be made with the help of an experienced family law attorney.
Karen Gersten is a respected divorce and family law attorney in West Hartford, Connecticut. Her firm has a 60-year history of helping men and women navigate through the difficult time they face as a marriage relationship comes to an end. Karen is a member of the Connecticut Bar Association, American Bar Association, Hartford County Bar Association and is appointed a Special Master to help resolve disputes in on-going cases in the family Court system.
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